Dirty Dishes

The dishes had been pilling for almost a week. I was stubborn and wasn’t going to wash them since I knew they were not mine. But every time I went to wash my dishes, I’d get frustrated because no one was taking responsibility for them. It’s like a ghost had come, used them and left them there. My plan was to hold out for as long as I could, until Rob Bell threw me for a loop. Why is this guy so intent on undoing my stubbornness? Why is he so intent on raining on my little parade of what he calls the myth of redemptive violence? I do really well at this, you know when a friend drives me up the wall, the most logical retaliation is to make sneaky remarks in their earshot indirectly aimed at them, but meant to be directed at them, which by the way is the most highschoolish way of handling such moments, another clear sign that maybe I’m not really as grown as I like to think. Or better yet, there’s the good old silent treatment or complete avoidance of the person, yeah, such mature ways of handling conflict. Some are bolder or maybe have deeper issues and will probably slash your tires…either way, earlier during the day (when I couldn’t handle the unwashed dishes anymore), I had listened to a message by Rob Bell “Calling All Peacemakers” that just shattered my little world of passive aggression, another thing I’m really good at. This message was really timely because, besides the dishes, I’ve been struggling with a friend whom I’ve basically vowed to avoid because I just can’t handle them anymore without wanting to harm them…again, I have some major issues.

Bell used the story of Samson who had gone to check on his wife only to find that she’d been given to his friend. So what does he do? He sets the whole town’s economy on fire using foxes to protest against his father-in-law. When the Philistines found all their prospective harvest reduced to ashes inquired as to what happened, and what do they do? They burn his wife’s family as a revenge, and then when Samson finds out what happened he goes on a slaughter hunt! It’s like a game of let’s-see-who-can-up-the-other-with horrible acts. At the end of the day, I don’t think that the conflict was really resolved. Bell then fast forwards to Matthew where Judas is getting ready to betray Jesus and one the disciples is pretty pissed about this and so his solution to the whole problem? Cut off one the high priests’ servants ear off!, yeah like that will solve anything. So Christ tells the disciple to put the sword away…solving problems with swords will lead to death by the sword. And this is where the message starts to undo me. When Jesus was proclaiming about the new Kingdom, it wasn’t just about salvation…it’s this completely new way of thinking, of seeing the world, of understanding how we relate to people and situations. Before, tit for tat was okay, but now it was about letting someone who slapped you on one cheek, slap you on the other…completely new way of thinking. When you had an enemy, you fed them and gave them all they needed for their sustenance instead of letting them go in need…again a new way of thinking.

So back to the dishes…I finished dinner and was washing my dishes, when Bell’s message kept hammering on me. The normal thing to do would be to let the dishes stay there until someone, other than me, washed them…I wonder if that’s the same thing my roommates were thinking, in which case they probably would have been there for eternity. But if I was going to respond according to this new way of thinking regardless of who those dishes belonged to, I needed to wash them. It didn’t make sense, but it’s what I needed to do. So after a brief battle between my two selves, I washed the dishes, no there were no angels cheering after they were done, but the dirty dishes were gone. So now I’m wondering how I should deal with my friend…the one I can’t stand. So far I’ve just tried to avoid them, talk about them to some of my friends, do all I can to vilify them and make them into the really ‘bad guy’ all the while, presenting myself as completely blameless, without fault, holier than thou. And I won’t lie, it feels great! To know that I’m in the right and they are in the wrong, but, to take up this new way of thinking means that I can’t relish in these kinds of thoughts. Aaagghhh!!!!

So far this is what I know. Talking to my friends about my friend doesn’t really do a lot, it rather spreads the poison. Avoiding them doesn’t really help either, it’s more the cowardly way of handling the situation, another thing I’m really good at. Here’s a scary reality…I’m as bad as I’ve tried to make them appear…I have a tendency to act out in similar ways they do, that drives me crazy…so there goes my blameless plead…so what next? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m a coward at best. I HATE conflict and would rather die than have to confront them. And so that’s where I’m stuck, without a clear way of how to handle this in light on this new way of thinking. And there goes another day in my life…