Am I There Yet?

I just finished searching for apartments in Seattle. I probably won't move until sometime in June, but it's the one thing that's giving me hope at this point. I'm going through this flat line in my life. Nothing is really exciting and trying to think about what is to come is the only thing that sends some life in me.

I don't know where this is coming from, and yet it's not a surprise...this is part of my life...going through highs and lows and pressing repeat over and over again. I'm tired of my mundane life...everyday I wake up and just press repeat and after a while it gets really, really, really old.

I want to get out. Now. I don't want another day of just being alive for the sake of being alive. My soul is aching for some meaning...for purpose...I don't want another day of a job that is sucking the life out of me...and yet I have to pay my bills, I have to support my family, so I guess it's the price I have to pay, but how long?

I want to dream about what Seattle will mean for me, but then I don't want to fix what my life will be like, cause that could mean major disappointment if life doesn't turn like I thought it would...which I have a lot of experience with.

I think this is just some venting. I just want something good...exciting...hopeful...did I say exciting?

that's it..