Been a While

So I haven't blogged in quite sometime. It's not that I haven't had things to talk about. I guess I've just lacked the motivation to sit down and make sense out of various things that have happened in the last few months.

For starters, I finally got my green card... A HUMONGOUS answer to prayer. As always it happened right at point where I was beginning to think that it wasn't going to happen. I then quit my job, which has been so thrilling to finally have this freedom, even though it's going to be short lived. I have never felt this relaxed...really. My days to the big move to Seattle are inching closer...I believe it's about a little over a week before I board that train to start this new chapter of my life.

For the most part, I think I'm pretty relaxed considering that I don't have a job yet, haven't quite figured where I'm going to live and oh yeah, not quite sure as to how I'm paying for school. But yet I don't feel the need or pressure to have all of these things figured out...and it's all I can say...call me stupid or truly living out in faith.

I feel like I've learned a tremendous lesson...one that I've written about over and over again...the reality that life will not turn out like I've pictured it in my head...but eventually life actually turns out just fine. For example, I had planned and hoped that I would release my debut CD before I left for Seattle, but as life has it, it won't happen till I move out there...and God knows exactly when that will happen. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, but what's to be done? I had my few moments of feeling down, but then I had to keep moving on knowing that maybe this plan, that I didn't orchestrate, might actually be better than the one I tried hard to make happen.

I think I've discovered that when I plan for my life it's always about me. I'm not caring about anyone else, just my own happiness. But I think that when God plans my life, He's probably counting 1 or 2 or a million people and how my life will affect them...which makes sense that life doesn't really turn out like I want it to because I'm way too selfish to think about another human being...especially when it comes to my own advancement.

It's hard to say to goodbye to my friends here...that's the toughest part, but I guess there must something else that will be even more enriching than what I have here...not to take away from the experience I've had so far. A few nights ago I was having a little bit of a panic attack when I realized what I was leaving behind and I told God that if I hadn't felt convinced to move to Seattle, I would by no means leave this place...and that's the only reason why I'm moving...because I feel compelled to, for reasons that even I don't understand. I guess that's what makes faith scary but also thrilling.

I haven't got the faintest clue as what's going to happen when I move to Seattle. All I know that is that I'm convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that it's where I'm supposed to be...the rest is yet to be seen.