Death of Familiarity

So I'm sitting on my friend's toilet as it's the only place in their house I can receive a strong wireless connection from a nearby apartment. No I'm not stealing it...they actually gave me their password so I would have access to the internet.

It's been at least three days, I think, since I moved to Seattle and to be honest, I can't really tell you how I feel because there's a numbness in my soul. My friends Stacy and Jeremy, who've been kind enough to offer me their air-bed, food and living room till I can find my own place, have been gone for the weekend, which has allowed to freely wallow and allow myself to feel whatever I need to feel. For the most part nothing has been that interesting. I was thinking yesterday how everyone told me Seattle rains all the time, and I sort of laughed it off...but holy crap it does rain ALL THE TIME!!!!!! But I had an AHA! moment yesterday afternoon, that if this is what it's like all the time, I'll either let the weather dictate what I do with my life...or I just keep living life in spite of it. So in a moment of defiance to the weather, I actually left the apartment, while it was still raining, and went into the city for a few hours...which felt very liberating.

There are no great, exciting stories to tell right now...so sorry if this doesn't run like a happy story. I'm actually a little depressed because of what I call 'death of familiarity'. Nothing around me is familiar...everything is new and daunting and a part of me feels a little scared to venture out. When I walk down the street I wonder if people can read my face and see how scared shitless I am of being here...even though I know this is where I'm supposed to be. I guess it is with every major change in life...that you have go through a sort of death of what once was, and hopefully in time, I'll be comfortable with my new surroundings and actually begin to create a rhythm to my new life.

This is all I can say at this moment and as my friend Allan would say, 'follow close'.