In a Nutshell Pt 2

A Long Time Coming

Over the weekend, I went to Michigan to visit my dad who's in the country on business. I had a little detour on the trip when, on Saturday, I missed my flight connection in Chicago and couldn't get a flight out till the following morning. I was going to sleep at my old apartment, but that didn't work out, so I called my friend Victor and asked if I could crash on their couch. This was very significant for me because Victor and Jireh, who are like my brothers, lost their mother unexpectedly a week ago. It was painful for me because I couldn't be there to grieve with them. Luckily they had just returned from Nigeria the same day and I was able to see them briefly. Being in Chicago for those few hours was so bizarre. As I was walking from the train station to their house, it felt so empty and hollow. It felt as though I hadn't really lived there...I can't even describe the disconnect that was in my heart walking on streets I was once so familiar with. It occurred to me that even though it hasn't been easy adjusting to Seattle, it is my home now because that's where I'm meant to be. That was such a profound moment for me because it completed, in some sense, the process of finally arriving in Seattle...I don't know if that makes sense....

Meeting with my dad was pretty interesting. We did a marathon of trying to cram the last two years into 1 day...and I think we did a pretty good job at it. My parents work with orphans in their community so filled me on their progress, which really made my heart beat faster with excitement and wondering how I'll be able to have my input/support in the near future. Then it came my turn and I always feel very defensive when I talk to my dad because I've always wanted him to accept the dreams I have for my life. The conversation went as it always does...you know, give my view point and then he'll ask me a gazillion questions on how practical my dreams are. I figured at this point, there's no hope in ever trying to really make him see what I really want to do with my life. Later that evening the family we were staying with was gathered in the dinning room and they were asking me questions about my music. They asked if I had website and I said yes and they asked if they could listen and I awkwardly agreed. So we sat there for like 10 minutes, in silence and they listened to some of my songs.

There reaction was so positive that I think my dad was a little shocked. My dad is a very blunt person so he asked them ' so is this a good thing?' I held my breathe not quite sure how all of this would flow, but one of them said, 'i can't really answer your question, but I'll tell you this, your daughter will do very well in Seattle and she has an amazing gift.' At that moment I was fighting back tears...it was such a profound moment for me. Then out of the blue the same person said I think we should pray for you so that God will continue to use you...I was floored. I couldn't believe this was happening...and that my dad got to hear from someone else that as crazy as this dream might be and maybe very unpractical...it's still a good dream to have. I went to bed that night feeling good that at least someone else could tell him that this is something worth pursuing.

The following morning I had a few hours left before my flight so we sat outside and sort of had a recap of everything we talked about...it's so my dad...there always has to be a bookend to all conversations. He said that he felt that I now had a better understanding of what they were doing and at the same time, he felt like he finally understood what I've been trying to tell them all these years. Honestly, you'd have expected I would have jumped up with jubilation that he finally understood what I've been trying to tell them. I only sat there with a smile on my face, because the reality is that I never once stopped believing in my dream just because my parents never saw what I saw...I kept at it, but it was great to finally have them on board with their full support. I realized how much I have an amazing father. He is wise, for a person who never really got much of an education. He's probably one of, if not the only man I know who's life is full of integrity and hard work, self-respect, a deep love for his family and community. I can only hope that if I do ever find a man...that he'd have similar qualities. I also learned how much I'm like my dad. I mean I've always known we are alike, but it was scary to see just how alike we are...but at the same time, it's such an honor to follow after his footsteps.

I returned to Seattle, my brain completely worn out from all the conversations, but also full of anticipation for what lies ahead. Seattle IS my home now because without a shadow of doubt, and even though I don't have as strong of a community as I had in Chicago, this is where I'm supposed to be...and that in itself is enough.

Highlights

• I performed at my first open mic last week on Thursday and I absolutely loved it. I feel like now I can get out there and let my voice be heard...to whatever end
• Flying in and out of Seattle. The views down below are so breathtaking...and even describing them as such seems like I'm robbing them of their true beauty
• When Stacy picked me up from the airport, there was still a little light out and we wound up on this curve and right there in front of us was Mt. Rainier. I'm still not used to seeing it's foreboding beauty and it always seems to appear out of nowhere...so I made this huge gasp and Stacy was like 'what's wrong' and I literally kept quiet for a few seconds...like I couldn't find my voice and I said 'the mountain'. Stacy thought it was hilarious.
• Last week at Starbucks I had an interesting encounter with a customer who walked up the counter and started to singing to me how much they love me then he asked if he could kiss my hand...it was so awkward and one of my co-workers saved the day by telling the guy to give me a tip instead. I wondered if that had been a really hot guy if I wouldn't have swooned and gladly accepted the kiss. It made me see my own prejudice towards people who might not be 'all there' and realizing that they still deserve to be treated with dignity...which can be a hard thing to do.