Just Nae...

There's an episode of "Girlfriends"...the black version of Sex and the City, where Joan goes through this whole process of accepting and celebrating her singleness. In taking this ownership she decides to go alone to a Bistro she's always wanted to go to, which ensues in such hilarity and awkwardness.

My version of owning my singleness and partly my lack of friends came a day ago while browsing through the Northwest Jazz Profile magazine when I saw that Hugh Masekela was going to be in concert in downtown Seattle. Growing up in Africa, Hugh Masekela and Miriam Makeba were the South African musicians I watched on the URTNA tv program that came on Friday nights. I figured it was time I venture out in this new environment and start getting used to and calling Seattle my new home. So I bought my ticket...even though I was pretty afraid and wondering how awkward it would be for people to see me sitting alone at a concert...but I guess I didn't really let that hold back as I did end up going.

On my way, I made a call to my dear friend Sarah Nun and was telling her of an earlier experience with a lady who works for a Talent/Modeling Agency. I'll have to take a rabbit trail for this one. I'd called last week to this agency as I came across an ad that they were looking for models/actors who were between 30-90...which sounded really odd, since models tend to be in their 20's...I figured what hell, what have I got to lose. When I called, they said the person I needed to speak with was out of the office till Tuesday and she would have her call me then...naturally I didn't think they would actually follow through. So on Tuesday I got a call from Jennifer and she said she got a message that I had called. I told her about the ad on Craigslist...that I was 30 and 5'1....her response was 'i really like your voice' and I said thank you, but a little confused. At this point, I didn't know where the conversation was going so what followed sort of floored me. She asked me what my last name was and I told her I'd spell it out for her, which I did and when I was done she asked me, 'where's that from?' and told her I'm Kenyan and her reaction left me speechless.

I wish I could remember word for word what she said, but it was something a long the lines of ' oh, you must be so breathtakingly beautiful...and I can't wait to see you' with such animation. I was totally speechless, flabbergasted...lost for words and all I could mumble in shock was 'i hope so' with a lot of uncertainty. She then asked me when I'd be available to see her and told her next week Wednesday and she happily signed off by saying' so we have a date next week on Wednesday at 3:00pm, which I said yes we do. Seriously, it had to be one of the most interesting, shocking, speechless moments of my life...and I guess there's no pressure in looking beautiful...whatever that is. So come back next week if you'd like to know what happened...now back to the concert.

So the concert was at Triple Door which I heard was like Park West in Chicago. I walked in the foyer and waited in line for a little bit. I was trying to appear as confident and normal as possible. I gave the hostess my name and she said someone would sit me shortly. When I walked into the venue, I sort of took two breathes at once because it was absolutely breathtaking...I mean this is the kind of place you definitely go on a date. It's Park West, but 10 times better...the chandeliers reminded me of the Auditorium Theater. Now, I was even more nervous because here I was single and walking into the most romantic place...alone...but I kept my cool...at least I hope that's the impression people got...then again, maybe no one was even watching me.

There were tables all around, candle lit with full table settings, people all around were mingling against the backdrop of jazz music. To my utter shock, the hostess walked me right up front where there were tables right by the stage...I mean it was so close I could see the spit and sweat on the performers. I sat down trying to look as comfortable as possible, like this is something I do all the time, but inside, I was shaking like a leaf. I was wondering if people were looking at me and asking why I was by myself, eh, but who cares. I got comfortable and told myself I was going to have fun.

The concert was one of the most spiritual experiences I've had in a while. Hugh Masekela is probably around 60...which is about my dad's age, and so it was almost like I was watching and hearing my dad. The concert was very globally minded. There's something about hearing an African speak that conjures up some deep emotions for me so from the on set I had this huge smile on my face. He started out by dedicating the concert to the people of Darfur, and tears started to well up in my eyes. But then also talked about the hardship of so many men who go to South African mines to earn money for their families...but in reality don't get paid that much. But also the talent in this man, at his age, was so moving and sincere and from the core of his soul. I couldn't understand any of the words he sang because they were mostly in Xhosa or Zulu, but I think that heightened the whole experience for me. The gentleman sitting next to me noticed how much the concert affected me...there were times I was in tears because I hadn't felt like that in such a long time...there were times I wanted to lift up my hands like I was in worship....and a few times I kept saying AMEN! in hushed tones. There were times I wanted to jump out of my seat and dance in the isles...it was such a cleansing moment for me.

This gentleman sitting next to me, Greg, and I ended up talking after the concert and come to find out, he'd just moved with his family to Seattle about 5 weeks ago. His wife and kids are now in France for the summer, but thought how weird that we'd just moved to the city and ended up in the same place.

I walked back to the Pietsch's feeling like I had purpose again. I felt like my moving here was not some willy nilly kind of thing, but orchestrated for reasons that even I don't understand... I'm here and that's what's important. I gained a new respect for myself for going out there alone and making the decision to enjoy life, even though I'm new and still trying to find my way...life really must go on. The ecstasy still lingers...but is bearable now and it gives me a drive to make this work...for whatever purpose.